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Субтитри за (—) (2004)

Английски
Ноември 21 2021 06:55:07
Направено от Eus, Mountain of Gems, Niffiwan, Chapaev₂
Pro Ivana-duraka.2004.en.1.25fps.1637477707.srt ⭳
Качество: добре

Originally by Eus and Chapaev in 2013. Edited by Mountain of Gems channel in 2020. Further edited by Niffiwan in 2021.

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1 00:00:01,280 --> 00:00:02,740 Federal Agency of Culture and Cinematography 2 00:00:03,820 --> 00:00:06,020 Pilot big animation studio 3 00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:08,020 Present 4 00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:12,080 We live in Russia 5 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,960 The coat of arms of Russia is the two headed eagle, 6 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:17,220 mighty and proud. 7 00:00:17,540 --> 00:00:22,960 In its centre is St. George, slaying a wicked dragon with his silver lance. 8 00:00:23,860 --> 00:00:28,160 The flag of Russia has three colors: white, blue and red. 9 00:00:28,420 --> 00:00:31,580 The capital of our homeland is Moscow 10 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,760 In the center of Moscow is the old Kremlin. 11 00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:41,500 For centuries, the Kremlin has been home to great princes and tsars - 12 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,760 the rulers of Russia. 13 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,740 Their ancestor, the Great Prince Yaroslav the Wise, 14 00:00:47,820 --> 00:00:51,560 is the namesake of the ancient Russian city of Yaroslavl. 15 00:00:51,780 --> 00:00:56,420 The city's coat of arms shows the bear that Prince Yaroslav was said to have fought. 16 00:00:56,620 --> 00:01:01,900 This city is also where, almost 300 years ago, the famous actor Fyodor Volkov 17 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:06,060 founded the very first Russian theater. 18 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,960 Yaroslavlians make marvelous glazed tiles 19 00:01:10,060 --> 00:01:11,720 that decorate churches and homes. 20 00:01:13,820 --> 00:01:16,260 Here the people made colored woodcuts 21 00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:18,780 featuring amusing stories told with pictures. 22 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:26,780 And of course, here one can hear many amusing stories. 23 00:01:27,100 --> 00:01:30,900 Each of them is like a precious gem. 24 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:37,860 Mountain of Gems 25 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:45,600 About Ivan the Fool (based on a Russian fairy tale) 26 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,660 There once were three brothers 27 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,460 Two were okay, but the third was Ivan the fool. 28 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,520 He did everything wrong. 29 00:01:54,620 --> 00:01:57,340 Just look: rather than put the goat out to pasture, 30 00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:58,820 he taught her to dance! 31 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:02,190 See how skinny she is, like a ballerina! 32 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,960 The brothers lived with no troubles, until one day they ran out of money. 33 00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:08,420 So the brothers decided to sell the goat. 34 00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:10,660 What's the use of her anyway? No milk, no meat! 35 00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:13,310 - Ivan! - Ivan! Ivan! 36 00:02:13,410 --> 00:02:15,820 So they sent the fool to the fair. 37 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:19,430 Ivan didn't want to part with the goat, but there was nothing for it! 38 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:25,219 So Ivan was walking through the woods and he heard... 39 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:26,440 ...something squeaking 40 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:29,540 It was an old fir tree. The wind would blow and it would squeak. 41 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,720 "Why's the tree squeaking?" thought the fool, 42 00:02:31,721 --> 00:02:33,421 "maybe it's bargaining for my goat??" 43 00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:37,180 Well, if you want to buy, then buy! I don't mind selling it! The goat... 44 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,700 ...costs 200 rubles! Not a ruble less! 45 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,580 - Get out your money! 46 00:02:41,590 --> 00:02:43,260 But the fir tree just kept squeaking. 47 00:02:43,261 --> 00:02:45,661 So the fool assumed that it wanted to pay later. 48 00:02:46,420 --> 00:02:48,380 OK! I'll wait till tomorrow! 49 00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:52,020 He tied the goat to the tree, said his goodbyes and went home. 50 00:02:58,460 --> 00:03:01,320 - Well, did you sell the goat? - I did! 51 00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,260 - For a good price? 52 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:03,900 - For... ouch!... 53 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,101 200 rubles! 54 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,520 - No way! - Show us the money, then! 55 00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:09,840 I didn't get it yet, I was told to come tomorrow... 56 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,420 Oh, you simpleton! 57 00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:12,820 And who did you sell her to? 58 00:03:13,070 --> 00:03:14,820 To a fir tree in the forest. Why? 59 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,019 Hahahah! What a fool you are!!! 60 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:20,110 A tree doesn't know how to pay! 61 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,120 But there was a hollow in that tree. 62 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:41,840 And in that hollow... robbers hid their gold!... 63 00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:48,760 Who ever heard of selling a goat to a tree?! 64 00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:50,760 It never has any money! 65 00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:51,840 Look here, fool... 66 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,920 Go back and don't return without the goat! 67 00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:58,340 Hey, fir tree! 68 00:03:58,540 --> 00:04:00,460 Either you give me the money, or give me the goat back! 69 00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:02,260 I can't wait till tomorrow! 70 00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:06,959 So! You're all talk and no action... 71 00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:08,649 Am I gonna get anything from you?! 72 00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,080 I don't joke around! 73 00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:21,080 There you go, that's much better! No more of this "tomorrow" business! 74 00:04:23,869 --> 00:04:25,459 Ah! Fool, where did you... 75 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,749 ...get so much gold? 76 00:04:27,129 --> 00:04:28,480 The fir paid for the goat! 77 00:04:28,650 --> 00:04:29,390 No way!!!... 78 00:04:29,540 --> 00:04:33,500 - Then let's split it! We're brothers, so let's share it like brothers! 79 00:04:33,660 --> 00:04:35,940 They did a good job dividing it - a fair job. 80 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:38,540 Ivan, since he was a fool, got one whole coin. 81 00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:41,680 But he was still pleased - he'd never had that much before! 82 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:46,160 With that coin the brothers sent Ivan to the city, to find a job. 83 00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:50,260 No sense in loafing about the house! 84 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,280 He was hired as helper by a foreign noble. 85 00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:05,820 Now see here, Ivan! Don't leave the door, guard it so that no robber gets in! 86 00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:08,420 And feed my doggy well! 87 00:05:08,660 --> 00:05:09,700 And look after her! 88 00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:12,530 Don't spend your time counting crows! 89 00:05:14,110 --> 00:05:16,030 You're hungry, huh? 90 00:05:16,389 --> 00:05:17,099 Wait a sec... 91 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:23,000 One, two, three... and why am I not allowed to count them? 92 00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:26,620 ...4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10... 93 00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:29,820 ...11, 12, 13... 94 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:33,240 Oh! And I must guard the door, too! But where'd the doggy go? 95 00:05:33,319 --> 00:05:34,819 Doggy! Doggy!... 96 00:05:34,999 --> 00:05:36,699 Did she run away or something? 97 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:43,310 Hmm. What a mess!... Two jobs at once: 98 00:05:43,460 --> 00:05:47,000 Don't leave the door, feed the dog, don't count the crows... 99 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,540 So Ivan went looking for the dog. 100 00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:50,640 He went into the forest again. 101 00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:51,420 Doggy! Doggy! 102 00:05:51,580 --> 00:05:53,820 Suddenly he saw a hole, and in the hole was a bear. 103 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,420 - Hello, bear!! - Hello, Ivan! 104 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:57,650 What are you doing here? 105 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,020 What do you think... I fell into a hole, see? 106 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:04,300 Get me out Ivan, and I will help you. 107 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:10,760 So Ivan bent a young fir tree right into the hole. 108 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,760 Let go now! 109 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:22,360 So what are you... doing in the forest... with a door? 110 00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:26,180 So Ivan told him his own story 111 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,500 Ha ha! What a fool you are! 112 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,700 Just for that, I'll eat you! 113 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:37,880 Don't worry, I'm kidding. 114 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:41,880 Now, help me, as you promised... You guard the door, 115 00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:45,460 and I'll go look for the dog. Or the lady will punish me! 116 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:49,600 - Doggy! - Oh, I'll go with you, too! 117 00:06:50,751 --> 00:06:53,201 Doggy! 118 00:06:53,402 --> 00:06:54,602 Doggy! 119 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,400 - You really are stupid, Ivan. - And what are you, smart? 120 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,500 - Me? - Yeah! 121 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,900 - I dunno. - I don't know either. 122 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,280 - Are you mean? - No, why? 123 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:08,260 - I think whoever's mean, that's who's stupid. I am also not mean. 124 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,280 So we are neither of us fools! 125 00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,681 Huh, now that's a thought... 126 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,900 Oh, what's this? 127 00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:18,001 Is this yours? 128 00:07:18,740 --> 00:07:21,000 - I don't know. Who can tell these little things apart? 129 00:07:21,001 --> 00:07:22,201 We should ask. 130 00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:23,960 I think mine was hungry... 131 00:07:23,961 --> 00:07:25,961 Hey! Are you hungry? 132 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,180 OK, then, it must be mine! 133 00:07:29,230 --> 00:07:30,759 Now I'll carry it to the city... 134 00:07:30,869 --> 00:07:34,730 ...and you, bear, bring the door! Cause you see, my hands are occupied... 135 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,820 Meanwhile, the masters were missing their dog. 136 00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:48,820 - But what about the door?! - Wait... there it is! 137 00:08:03,740 --> 00:08:07,540 Well, Ivan, good luck. I'll go back to the forest. 138 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,560 It's too noisy here, I don't like it... 139 00:08:09,661 --> 00:08:11,761 If you need anything, call me... 140 00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:18,140 The masters were happy that all ended well, 141 00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:20,980 but Ivan got fired. 142 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:27,720 - We are mad at Ivan!! - Go, fool, back where you came from! 143 00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:32,100 Well, this is a fine pickle. What do I do now? 144 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,200 Suddenly, a general appeared. 145 00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:35,420 The tsar decrees: 146 00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:38,980 He who can make the princess laugh Will get a caftan with gold needlework stuff, 147 00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:43,300 And half the kingdom with that to go, and will become the tsar's son-in-law! 148 00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:46,980 Ah, here's what I was waiting for! The coin will be of some use after all! 149 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,220 Ivan bought a new balalaika, 150 00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:51,560 and went to the palace to make the princess laugh. 151 00:09:00,220 --> 00:09:03,540 But what a great crowd! A thousand suitors had come, 152 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,480 All kinds and brands from many lands... 153 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:13,080 Oh, a goat!.. Whose are you? 154 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,860 Meanwhile, Ivan stood in line, listening to gossip 155 00:09:15,940 --> 00:09:18,940 Her name is Irina, she's as fat as 10 ballerinas 156 00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:21,980 She's such a beautiful lark - bawls so much that the dogs bark 157 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,980 and the horses buck! Yeah! 158 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,020 That princess really bawls - There's even mold upon the walls! 159 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:29,860 Ivan! Ivan! Why are you here?!! 160 00:09:29,939 --> 00:09:31,369 Just look at the sort of people around you! 161 00:09:31,479 --> 00:09:35,279 Bankers and ministers, stars from big towns, -- decent people, not clowns! 162 00:09:35,410 --> 00:09:36,559 You're not in their league! 163 00:09:36,699 --> 00:09:39,319 What chance is there for you, a simpleton with a balalaika? 164 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,940 You can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear! 165 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,460 Help! 166 00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:11,040 Oh, wow! 167 00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:27,480 Hey, Ivan! 168 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:32,700 Ah... bear.. hello. I didn't recognize you... you look rich. 169 00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:37,780 Here, she was roaming in the woods... Is she yours? 170 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:42,740 Oh, sweetie!! You turned up!! Forgive me for selling you. 171 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,380 Thank you, bear! Hurrah! She's alive! 172 00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:49,560 Get out, all of you! 173 00:10:56,420 --> 00:10:58,840 What's this noise? Who are you? 174 00:10:58,940 --> 00:11:01,360 Me? I'm Ivan the fool... 175 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,411 What a fool, calls himself a fool!... 176 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,040 And why are you crying and kissing a goat? 177 00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:08,741 Well, there's... this story, you know... 178 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,600 So Ivan started telling her about his life. 179 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:41,040 Hey, you, is it true what they say, that the princess is named Irina? 180 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,720 - Yeah! - And she's as fat as ten ballerinas? 181 00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:46,770 Ah! What?! I am the princess!!! 182 00:11:46,849 --> 00:11:48,129 You?! Nah... 183 00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:50,740 ...you're lying! Look at how merry you are, 184 00:11:50,741 --> 00:11:53,041 but they say that one's as sour as <i>sauerkraut</i>! 185 00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:55,690 I tell you: I am the princess! 186 00:11:55,740 --> 00:11:58,340 Ivan, look! That really is her! 187 00:11:58,341 --> 00:12:00,941 Ah... oh! 188 00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:04,820 So! 189 00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:06,730 Oh, the tsar! 190 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:09,840 I'm sorry, Your Majesty, it was an accident, I didn't know...! 191 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,800 Oh, what a mess! 192 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,780 Daddy, he's funny. 193 00:12:13,781 --> 00:12:14,781 I want to marry him! 194 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,200 Please don't execute me... 195 00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:18,770 - No "executions" at all, you must marry her! - I couldn't... 196 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:21,040 - Don't disobey your Sovereign! 197 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,260 Kiss the bride!! Kiss the bride!! 198 00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:37,240 So there was a wedding. 199 00:12:37,329 --> 00:12:39,080 And I was at that feast... 200 00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:43,550 I drank the beer and mead. It wet my whiskers, but never reached my lips. 201 00:12:44,590 --> 00:12:46,349 The princess never cried again. 202 00:12:46,429 --> 00:12:47,599 And if she ever became sad, 203 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:51,929 Ivan would play his balalaika and make a funny face, and all would be well! 204 00:12:52,199 --> 00:12:56,540 So our Ivan's now in the palace there, with this important and pompous air; 205 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,809 and on Sundays when the tsar goes to the country to rest, 206 00:12:59,949 --> 00:13:03,869 Ivan gives him a hand -- puts on the crown and rules the land... 207 00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:08,310 This is where our story ends, Thanks for listening, my friends! 208 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,260 The End Subs by Eus, ? and Niffiwan (2021)