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Production of Soyuzmultfilm's
Association of Puppet Films

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00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:07,337
IF EVERY BUREAUCRAT

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00:00:07,464 --> 00:00:09,579
WAS STEAMED AND CLEANED, TO START,

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00:00:09,699 --> 00:00:11,742
THE WORKER'S BROOM

5
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WOULD BE LIKE THE BRUSH OF ART

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VLADIMIR MAYAKOVSKY

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THE BATHHOUSE

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INSPECTED

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"BROCOLOPS" - BRanch Of COordination
and Liaison OPerationS

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00:00:50,339 --> 00:00:55,429
Trying to squeeze their invention,
a time machine, through this jungle:

11
00:00:55,559 --> 00:00:58,598
Comrades Strangefellow and Cyclero.

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Comrade Blockway, we're here to see
the CHOCOLOPS (Chief of BROCOLOPS).

13
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You mean Comrade Conquerbonce?

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I don't think so.

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Strangefellow...

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Strangefellow?

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Who's Strangefellow?

18
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Strangefellow is the inventor.

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There are lots of inventors,
but only one CHOCOLOPS.

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NO ADMISSION

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Try back next Friday.

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HOTEL METROPOL MOSCOW

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ENTRANCE

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Mr. Pont Kitsch, a British Anglo-Saxon.

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And his interpreter: Madame Misalliance.

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"CONCORDIA" - WINE, COGNAC, LIQUEUR

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THE ONLY THING LEFT FROM THE
OLD WORLD IS IRA CIGARETTES

28
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NOWHERE BUT IN MOSSELPROM

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Fur-lined brassieres!

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Fur-lined brassieres!

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What does a wife get up to
when her husband's away?

32
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:22,997
105 funny stories by the late
Count Leo Tolstoy!

33
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:27,518
Down to 15 kopecks from a ruble twenty!

34
00:05:27,816 --> 00:05:30,166
Sausage-shaped balloons!

35
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:32,128
Fly to the moon!

36
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Here you are, citizens!

37
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Forgotten and abandoned early on,

38
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I've been left an orphan,
without a single slice of joy

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00:06:01,093 --> 00:06:04,255
I've been left an orphan,
without a single slice of joy

40
00:06:04,472 --> 00:06:08,983
Here! Lapshin matches burn
like the sun and moon!

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00:06:14,321 --> 00:06:19,436
SECRET, the SociEty for
Cultural RElaTions

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00:06:19,824 --> 00:06:22,830
And its chairman: Ivan Ivanovich.

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Artist Isak Beauxarts.

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Portraitist, painter of battles,
naturalist.

45
00:07:15,056 --> 00:07:19,606
Would you care to take a look
at your future furnishings?

46
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Show me.

47
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:24,591
With pleasure.

48
00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:29,399
A famous historian once said that
there are various Louises in style.

49
00:07:29,524 --> 00:07:33,063
Here's Louis Quatorze the Fourteenth,

50
00:07:33,164 --> 00:07:36,514
so-called by the French
after the revolution of 1848

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00:07:36,638 --> 00:07:40,183
because he came directly after
Louis the Thirteenth.

52
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Then there's Louis Jacob.

53
00:07:44,973 --> 00:07:51,195
And finally, if I may recommend
this most modern of options:

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Louis Mauvais Goût.

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00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,995
Announcing Mr. Pont Kitsch!

56
00:08:02,478 --> 00:08:03,478
Please.

57
00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:28,092
Have you been to England,
Mr. Pont Kitsch? I have.

58
00:08:28,217 --> 00:08:32,889
It's terribly interesting.
Englishmen everywhere...

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00:08:33,014 --> 00:08:36,187
I bought a cap in Liverpool,

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and visited the house where
Aunty Dühring used to live.

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00:09:11,687 --> 00:09:15,475
Mr. Pont Kitsch is well known
in London as a philatelist.

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A -- how you say -- "stamp collector."

63
00:09:19,707 --> 00:09:23,958
And he's very, very interested in
chemical plants,

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aviation and art in general.

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00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:31,796
He's a very, very cultured and sociable man.

66
00:09:31,921 --> 00:09:33,602
Vous comprenez (understand)?

67
00:09:33,682 --> 00:09:39,523
We must open... a broad campaign!

68
00:10:06,031 --> 00:10:09,105
That's Monsieur Dashitoff,
a collaborator.

69
00:10:09,306 --> 00:10:14,618
A collaborator in the pre-revolutionary
and post-revolutionary press.

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00:10:14,789 --> 00:10:20,799
Although he somehow missed out
on the revolutionary press.

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00:10:21,118 --> 00:10:26,521
Comrade Dashitoff, we must
launch a broad campaign!

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00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:48,977
Ai yenot pereperchil
oi zveri izobreteishen.

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00:10:49,053 --> 00:10:51,586
STRANGEFELLOW, INVENTOR
TAGANSKAYA STREET, 28

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My idea is grand in scale.

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I will make time stand still or race
in any direction at any speed.

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Do you speak English?

77
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Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Parlez-vous français, at least?

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God, you're tiresome.

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00:11:58,014 --> 00:12:02,848
I'll have to translate our language
into your worker and peasant lingo.

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00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:10,455
Hello, dear comrades. We have a crying
need for our own Red Soviet Edison.

81
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:25,498
Hello, dear comrades.

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00:12:25,805 --> 00:12:29,625
Mr. Pont Kitsch is such a
cultured, sociable gentleman.

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He even told us your address.

84
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He's smelled us out, the nosy rat.

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A yenot v Indostan, pereperchil
oi zveri izobreteishen!

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00:13:38,823 --> 00:13:43,324
Mr. Pont Kitsch means that,
in his foggy homeland, everyone...

87
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...from MacDonald to Churchill is
ravenously curious about your device.

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Ah, certainly, certainly.
My invention belongs to all mankind.

89
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For the first time in human history...

90
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Stand back.

91
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Stand back!

92
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I'm switching it on!

93
00:15:30,045 --> 00:15:32,032
Cheer and frolic, comrades...

94
00:15:32,357 --> 00:15:34,051
Have a look at this.

95
00:15:34,176 --> 00:15:37,323
[VST 5.24.20]
- It's a letter.

96
00:15:37,578 --> 00:15:42,151
A letter written fifty years from now.

97
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:46,877
Do you understand? In the future!
Read it!

98
00:15:47,002 --> 00:15:48,210
Read what?

99
00:15:48,335 --> 00:15:52,654
What is it, the telephone number
of somebody named Comrade VST?

100
00:15:52,779 --> 00:15:57,603
It's not VST, it's "visit."
They write only with consonants.

101
00:15:57,744 --> 00:16:01,934
The 24 is tomorrow's date.
And 20 is the hour.

102
00:16:02,035 --> 00:16:07,247
He, she or it will arrive
tomorrow at 8 p.m.

103
00:16:07,276 --> 00:16:11,694
To ensure a safe journey
through time for our visitor,

104
00:16:11,819 --> 00:16:15,469
we need more people
and money right away.

105
00:16:15,847 --> 00:16:21,844
Ded svel v rai tram iz dveri v dveri lez
i ne doshol tugo. Dui Ivan. Chervontsli?

106
00:16:21,969 --> 00:16:24,164
Cash? Strangefellow doesn't
give a damn about it.

107
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I've just been to the State Bank
and come back loaded.

108
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All right, goodbye!

109
00:16:30,354 --> 00:16:32,815
Do show a little tact, I beg you.

110
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Your Young-Communist manners will
land us in an international conflict!

111
00:16:37,305 --> 00:16:40,891
Yes, what we need is our own
Soviet Edison.

112
00:16:41,013 --> 00:16:43,183
You boys don't have a telephone?

113
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:47,925
Never mind, I won't forget to tell
Nikander Piramidonovich.

114
00:16:48,986 --> 00:16:51,040
It's good that we've got the money.

115
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:52,570
We don't have any.

116
00:16:52,653 --> 00:16:54,830
No money! Then why boast
and brag like that?

117
00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:59,413
Even worse, you refused when that
foreigner made a serious offer!

118
00:16:59,534 --> 00:17:02,277
You may be a genius,
but you're an idiot, too.

119
00:17:02,397 --> 00:17:04,732
Do you want your idea
to take shape in iron,

120
00:17:04,833 --> 00:17:09,933
flying back to us from England
as a time-controlling dreadnought,

121
00:17:09,957 --> 00:17:12,761
invisibly destroying our
plants and factories?

122
00:17:12,786 --> 00:17:13,885
How could I have...

123
00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:17,748
And you were even
embracing him as he left.

124
00:17:17,773 --> 00:17:21,508
Don't be silly! I was embracing
the film in his camera!

125
00:17:21,693 --> 00:17:23,293
Bravo, Cyclero!

126
00:17:23,819 --> 00:17:24,954
Come on, comrades!

127
00:17:25,055 --> 00:17:28,505
Let's take them by the scruff of the
neck and force them to do something.

128
00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:32,489
I'll chew those officials up
and spit out the buttons!

129
00:18:09,442 --> 00:18:14,540
CHOCOLOPS - CHief Of COordination
and Liaison OPerationS

130
00:18:14,659 --> 00:18:17,141
NO WRITING ON WALLS | NO UNAUTHORIZED ENTRY

131
00:18:17,242 --> 00:18:19,092
NO TALKING | NO KIDS UNDER 16

132
00:18:19,216 --> 00:18:21,703
NOT IN SERVICE | NO DRINKING

133
00:18:21,828 --> 00:18:24,891
NO CONSPICUOUS BEHAVIOUR | NO TOUCHING

134
00:18:24,992 --> 00:18:28,042
NO PICKING FLOWERS

135
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:33,344
NO SMOKING

136
00:18:33,506 --> 00:18:35,617
NO COMPLAINTS

137
00:18:35,763 --> 00:18:38,093
NO EXIT

138
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,557
CLOSED

139
00:18:39,767 --> 00:18:41,621
And so, comrades,

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this tram's bold, urgent,
revolutionary bell must ring out...

141
00:18:47,958 --> 00:18:54,128
...like a great church bell in the heart
of every worker and peasant!

142
00:18:54,287 --> 00:18:57,601
Today, the new Lenin Tramline
will connect

143
00:18:57,602 --> 00:19:00,902
the Tenth Anniversary of
Soviet Medicine Square

144
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:06,721
with that former stronghold
of the bourgeoisie, the Haymarket!

145
00:19:07,348 --> 00:19:11,443
Who traveled by tram before
the October Revolution?

146
00:19:11,573 --> 00:19:14,995
Has-been intellectuals,
priests, the upper class!

147
00:19:15,015 --> 00:19:18,533
What did they pay?
Five kopecks per stop.

148
00:19:18,732 --> 00:19:20,418
Who will travel now?

149
00:19:20,443 --> 00:19:23,077
We, the workers of the universe,
will travel now.

150
00:19:23,117 --> 00:19:23,968
And what will we pay?

151
00:19:24,093 --> 00:19:26,413
A mere ten kopecks.

152
00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:34,671
Hello?

153
00:19:34,731 --> 00:19:37,925
Comrade Blockway, this must end.

154
00:19:37,985 --> 00:19:41,146
We're going to the CHOCOLOPS himself.

155
00:19:41,959 --> 00:19:47,064
You don't need to disturb him.
Everything is in order.

156
00:19:47,533 --> 00:19:51,768
A final decision has been reached
on your application.

157
00:19:51,893 --> 00:19:53,474
A final decision!

158
00:19:53,733 --> 00:19:55,093
That's fantastic!

159
00:19:55,181 --> 00:19:57,244
So the bureaucrats have been
beaten at last?!

160
00:19:57,293 --> 00:19:58,293
Hurrah!

161
00:20:09,434 --> 00:20:12,767
Presto, I've found your section.

162
00:20:13,398 --> 00:20:15,675
Presto, I've got your file.

163
00:20:16,453 --> 00:20:17,453
Presto...

164
00:20:44,252 --> 00:20:58,085
CHIEF ADMINISTRATOR
DEPUTY CHIEFS
CHIEF AIDES

165
00:21:10,844 --> 00:21:13,666
As promised, the final decision.

166
00:21:13,791 --> 00:21:14,986
REJECTED

167
00:21:17,789 --> 00:21:19,468
Where was I?

168
00:21:19,493 --> 00:21:22,154
We stopped on, "And so, comrades..."

169
00:21:22,233 --> 00:21:24,906
And so, Comrades, remember...

170
00:21:25,007 --> 00:21:30,657
...that Leo Tolstoy is a grand and
unforgettable painter of the written word.

171
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:36,096
His legacy of the past shines down on us
at the meeting-point of two worlds,

172
00:21:36,197 --> 00:21:39,897
like a colossal literary star,

173
00:21:40,021 --> 00:21:41,998
like a whole constellation --

174
00:21:41,999 --> 00:21:46,499
like the biggest of the big
constellations -- the Great Bear!

175
00:21:56,262 --> 00:21:59,067
Excuse me. You were writing about trams.

176
00:21:59,092 --> 00:22:03,636
But now you've let Leo Tolstoy
on while the tram is still moving.

177
00:22:03,719 --> 00:22:04,719
What?!

178
00:22:04,798 --> 00:22:07,614
No comments, please!

179
00:22:07,641 --> 00:22:11,531
If you have self-criticisms
to make, use the wall newspaper.

180
00:22:11,556 --> 00:22:18,359
Don't disrupt state activity
with your ridiculous fancies!

181
00:22:18,465 --> 00:22:25,136
Ah, Comrade Beauxarts. Go right ahead.
Make yourself at home.

182
00:22:25,608 --> 00:22:30,324
Allow me to continue with your portrait,
and to immortalize you...

183
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:36,673
...as an innovative administrator,
as well as a distributor of funds.

184
00:22:36,715 --> 00:22:39,368
I shall pose here at my desk.

185
00:22:39,469 --> 00:22:42,819
But perhaps you could paint me
"in retrospect,"

186
00:22:42,893 --> 00:22:45,075
sitting on horseback.

187
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:48,541
I've already drawn a horse at home,
from memory.

188
00:22:48,642 --> 00:22:52,692
Now I simply need
to attach you to your steed.

189
00:22:52,916 --> 00:22:57,388
Let's see the line of your fighting leg.

190
00:22:57,413 --> 00:22:59,679
How that polished boot does shine.

191
00:22:59,853 --> 00:23:02,779
Shiny enough to lick!

192
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:15,228
Yes, only in Michelangelo's work
does one find such a clean line.

193
00:23:15,253 --> 00:23:16,977
Angelov? An Armenian?

194
00:23:17,110 --> 00:23:18,565
Italian.

195
00:23:18,830 --> 00:23:19,830
A fascist?

196
00:23:19,855 --> 00:23:20,855
Goodness, no!

197
00:23:21,020 --> 00:23:23,274
I don't know him. Does he know me?

198
00:23:23,649 --> 00:23:25,762
I don't know. He's an artist, too.

199
00:23:25,887 --> 00:23:28,676
He probably knows me in that case.

200
00:23:28,977 --> 00:23:33,677
After all, there are lots of artists,
but only one CHOCOLOPS.

201
00:23:56,088 --> 00:23:58,172
What? Laughing?!

202
00:23:58,304 --> 00:24:00,976
And with painted lips to boot!

203
00:24:01,796 --> 00:24:02,796
OUT!

204
00:24:08,516 --> 00:24:12,413
"And under every leaflet,
there was a place for her..."

205
00:24:12,538 --> 00:24:14,371
Comrade, try to understand us!

206
00:24:14,496 --> 00:24:17,137
If we don't move the experiment into
the space above the town,

207
00:24:17,238 --> 00:24:20,638
there may even be an explosion!

208
00:24:32,656 --> 00:24:34,336
That's quite enough.

209
00:24:35,053 --> 00:24:38,343
Don't you go threatening
a government body.

210
00:24:38,613 --> 00:24:40,946
Get it through your head, stupid!

211
00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:44,932
No personal remarks, please.

212
00:24:44,986 --> 00:24:50,276
The individual person plays
no special role in history.

213
00:24:52,917 --> 00:25:01,445
SOON! SOON! SOON!
MAYAKOVSKY'S THE BATHHOUSE
A Soyuzmultfilm Production

214
00:25:06,524 --> 00:25:10,834
One moment, comrades!
We will have to interrupt the film,

215
00:25:11,044 --> 00:25:13,751
due to reasons beyond our control.

216
00:25:14,339 --> 00:25:16,888
Comrade Conquerbonce himself

217
00:25:16,989 --> 00:25:21,289
has decided to watch
an excerpt of our film.

218
00:25:23,973 --> 00:25:27,246
Please, come in. Please.

219
00:26:01,916 --> 00:26:03,086
HA-HA-HA!

220
00:26:06,094 --> 00:26:06,920
OUT!

221
00:26:07,045 --> 00:26:10,598
Life isn't like that!
It's all laid on too thick!

222
00:26:10,725 --> 00:26:13,324
We don't have comrades like this!
It's not natural!

223
00:26:13,449 --> 00:26:16,067
It's unrealistic! Unheard of!

224
00:26:16,545 --> 00:26:19,014
"The Bathhouse"!
What is this "bathhouse"?

225
00:26:19,777 --> 00:26:21,785
Who's it washing?

226
00:26:21,845 --> 00:26:25,621
"The Bathhouse" washes, simply
scrubs away, bureaucrats.

227
00:26:25,655 --> 00:26:31,850
"The Bathhouse" agitates for the future,
for the inventor's initiative.

228
00:26:32,187 --> 00:26:36,035
You'll have to rewrite that part.
Tone it down, poeticize it.

229
00:26:36,213 --> 00:26:37,813
Soften the contours.

230
00:26:38,613 --> 00:26:40,346
But, comrade, allow me --

231
00:26:40,493 --> 00:26:42,298
I will not allow you!

232
00:26:42,413 --> 00:26:46,447
Why, it even discredits us before
the whole of Europe!

233
00:26:48,013 --> 00:26:50,988
Don't translate that remark, please.

234
00:26:51,333 --> 00:26:52,542
It's all right.

235
00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:58,793
He just had some caviar at a banquet,
and now he's a bit drowsy.

236
00:27:00,145 --> 00:27:02,499
Comrades, don't get us wrong.

237
00:27:03,093 --> 00:27:08,577
We simply want our art to serve the
struggle and inspire positive action.

238
00:27:08,693 --> 00:27:11,241
People watch, and they get to work.

239
00:27:11,366 --> 00:27:13,553
They watch, and they awaken.

240
00:27:13,693 --> 00:27:16,151
They watch, and they uncover the truth.

241
00:27:16,276 --> 00:27:20,746
Your art isn't for the masses.
Workers and peasants won't understand it!

242
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:25,482
In fact, it's a good thing they won't,
and you shouldn't explain it to them!

243
00:27:26,413 --> 00:27:31,688
Yes, yes! Art must portray life -- the
beautiful life of beautiful real people.

244
00:27:31,813 --> 00:27:35,905
Show us some social butterflies
on beautiful flowers,

245
00:27:36,009 --> 00:27:39,051
and a bit of bourgeois decadence
all around.

246
00:27:39,910 --> 00:27:43,616
Or show us how people
in the decaying West

247
00:27:43,717 --> 00:27:46,517
are struggling anew
against the old ways.

248
00:27:46,627 --> 00:27:49,325
Yes, yes, yes!
Give us something beautiful.

249
00:27:49,453 --> 00:27:53,140
The Bolshoi Theatre always
gives us something beautiful.

250
00:27:53,373 --> 00:27:57,753
They flit about everywhere with
flowers, singing and dancing.

251
00:27:57,853 --> 00:28:02,721
All kinds of elves,
twelves and syphilis!

252
00:28:03,383 --> 00:28:05,712
You mean Sylphides?

253
00:29:39,526 --> 00:29:41,007
Bravo! Splendid!

254
00:29:41,032 --> 00:29:42,380
Now that was real art.

255
00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:46,831
It makes sense to me,
to Ivan Ivanovich and to the masses.

256
00:29:47,127 --> 00:29:49,570
That's right! It was so infectious.

257
00:29:49,623 --> 00:29:53,512
Comrade Dashitoff, we must launch
a broad campaign.

258
00:29:54,586 --> 00:29:58,183
Well, thank you. Goodbye for now.

259
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:05,605
After such a graceful finale, I don't
want to dawdle and spoil my impressions.

260
00:30:05,783 --> 00:30:08,347
Please accept my comradely best wishes!

261
00:30:12,333 --> 00:30:16,885
What's the name of that doll there?

262
00:30:17,611 --> 00:30:23,694
So tender and endowed with... talent.

263
00:30:23,893 --> 00:30:27,665
We must launch a broad campaign.

264
00:30:27,853 --> 00:30:31,316
Or maybe even a narrow one.

265
00:30:31,413 --> 00:30:34,940
Just me... and her.

266
00:30:41,300 --> 00:30:43,824
C. C. Conquerbonce

267
00:31:33,537 --> 00:31:35,826
NO ADMISSION EXCEPT ON BUSINESS

268
00:31:55,173 --> 00:31:58,411
So you're leaving?
And what about me?

269
00:31:58,936 --> 00:32:03,126
You know that I saw them
bringing you <i>two</i> tickets.

270
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:07,115
That's enough of your petit bourgeois
ideas about vacations.

271
00:32:07,195 --> 00:32:09,151
I'm not going there to sunbathe,
you know.

272
00:32:09,252 --> 00:32:12,252
I always plan ahead
for the current moment.

273
00:32:12,533 --> 00:32:15,133
And then, when I get there -- a speech,

274
00:32:15,453 --> 00:32:16,622
a report,

275
00:32:17,046 --> 00:32:18,170
a resolution,

276
00:32:18,295 --> 00:32:19,641
In short, socialism.

277
00:32:19,744 --> 00:32:24,019
And my public status entitles me
by law to a stenographer.

278
00:32:24,144 --> 00:32:27,619
When did I ever interfere with
your stenography? That's a laugh!

279
00:32:27,744 --> 00:32:29,214
Why try to fool me?

280
00:32:29,289 --> 00:32:33,808
Let me come along too, for God's sake,
and stenograph all night if you want.

281
00:32:33,933 --> 00:32:34,939
Absurd.

282
00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:38,040
You'll compromise me with your
disorganized outbursts!

283
00:32:38,141 --> 00:32:41,291
Especially this religious talk.
"For God's sake," indeed!

284
00:32:41,365 --> 00:32:43,531
Shhh! Kozlyakovsky lives downstairs.

285
00:32:43,632 --> 00:32:49,082
He might tell Pavel Petrovich, who's
friendly with Semyon Afanasievich.

286
00:33:06,885 --> 00:33:09,137
Heave, comrades, heave!

287
00:33:09,212 --> 00:33:12,668
We've got seconds, or disaster
will be inevitable!

288
00:33:12,757 --> 00:33:15,387
The machine's growing
heavier every second.

289
00:33:15,467 --> 00:33:21,366
I'm almost certain that a foreign body
is materializing inside it!

290
00:33:46,642 --> 00:33:50,663
Polya, I forgot to hide my revolver.

291
00:33:50,930 --> 00:33:53,776
Remember, it's loaded,

292
00:33:54,133 --> 00:34:00,278
and to fire it all you have to do
is release this safety catch.

293
00:34:00,357 --> 00:34:03,505
Well, goodbye, Polya!

294
00:34:55,804 --> 00:34:58,825
Conky-baby, how much longer?

295
00:34:58,934 --> 00:35:00,219
Shhh!

296
00:35:49,333 --> 00:35:51,053
Hello, comrades!

297
00:35:51,265 --> 00:35:54,413
I am a delegate from 2030.

298
00:35:54,784 --> 00:35:59,043
I've been switched into your
present time for 24 hours.

299
00:35:59,173 --> 00:36:03,268
Time is short, and the task before us
is extraordinary.

300
00:36:03,947 --> 00:36:05,402
Mandate...

301
00:36:05,791 --> 00:36:07,588
Ah, it's official!

302
00:36:08,470 --> 00:36:11,883
Authorization to select the best...

303
00:36:12,095 --> 00:36:15,349
for transfer to the Age of Communism.

304
00:36:15,428 --> 00:36:18,401
What's happening?
My Lord, what's happening?

305
00:36:18,639 --> 00:36:22,819
BUREAU FOR SELECTION AND TRANSFER
TO THE AGE OF COMMUNISM

306
00:36:34,522 --> 00:36:36,453
BOOK OF COMPLAINTS

307
00:36:36,638 --> 00:36:40,845
"I demand to skip the queue!"
- Conquerbonce

308
00:36:41,173 --> 00:36:44,327
In connection with the transfer,
I need to find out...

309
00:36:44,354 --> 00:36:47,021
my salary, my living quarters and so on!

310
00:36:47,573 --> 00:36:50,082
What's the matter, citizen?

311
00:36:50,373 --> 00:36:54,062
There's no need to disturb her.

312
00:37:02,533 --> 00:37:03,533
Comrades!

313
00:37:04,253 --> 00:37:09,472
We have been advancing towards each
other, like two teams digging a tunnel,

314
00:37:09,573 --> 00:37:11,665
until we finally met today.

315
00:37:11,798 --> 00:37:17,180
I look in amazement at the giants
of steel and earth --

316
00:37:17,281 --> 00:37:22,018
grateful memories of them
are still cherished in my time

317
00:37:22,119 --> 00:37:26,619
as models of communist
construction and living.

318
00:37:26,790 --> 00:37:29,958
You are so busy working,
you haven't time to stand back

319
00:37:30,059 --> 00:37:32,059
and admire your achievements.

320
00:37:32,133 --> 00:37:36,720
But I am glad to tell you
of your greatness.

321
00:37:37,173 --> 00:37:39,706
Excuse me for interrupting, Comrade!

322
00:37:39,773 --> 00:37:43,138
What is the year of destination,
and what is the speed?

323
00:37:43,213 --> 00:37:48,687
The direction is infinity.
The speed, one year per second.

324
00:37:48,819 --> 00:37:52,417
The destination: the year 2030.

325
00:37:52,761 --> 00:37:55,247
Proceed, comrades!

326
00:38:09,133 --> 00:38:12,056
Subordinate Comrade Blockway!

327
00:38:12,773 --> 00:38:16,219
My question concerns a most
important matter:

328
00:38:16,413 --> 00:38:21,342
The departure of myself, a senior
official at the head of an entire

329
00:38:21,442 --> 00:38:26,724
agency, on a 100-year business trip.

330
00:38:27,012 --> 00:38:30,518
Rejected! Impractical!

331
00:38:30,653 --> 00:38:34,116
Anyway, who on Earth would
take such a trip...

332
00:38:34,241 --> 00:38:37,188
knowing he needs a daily allowance
for a hundred years,

333
00:38:37,289 --> 00:38:40,589
but will only be paid for seconds?

334
00:38:41,207 --> 00:38:46,395
Admissions are closed.
Come back tomorrow.

335
00:38:50,833 --> 00:38:53,362
What admissions? What tomorrow?

336
00:38:53,533 --> 00:38:56,861
Ah, you've forgotten to take down
that stupid sign.

337
00:38:56,987 --> 00:38:59,284
As a senior comrade, I must warn you:

338
00:38:59,385 --> 00:39:03,085
you're surrounded by people who aren't
quite one-hundred percent.

339
00:39:03,187 --> 00:39:05,911
Cyclero smokes!

340
00:39:06,282 --> 00:39:08,689
Strangefellow must be drinking.

341
00:39:08,733 --> 00:39:12,068
Well, what business is it of yours?
For all that, they work.

342
00:39:12,093 --> 00:39:16,122
I'm "for all that," too! But for all
that, I don't drink, don't smoke,

343
00:39:16,147 --> 00:39:17,147
don't leave tips...

344
00:39:17,493 --> 00:39:19,005
So that's what you
"don't, don't, don't."

345
00:39:19,106 --> 00:39:22,406
Is there anything that you
"do, do, do"?

346
00:39:22,511 --> 00:39:24,245
"Do, do, do?" Sure I do!

347
00:39:24,373 --> 00:39:26,951
I implement directives,
file resolutions,

348
00:39:27,026 --> 00:39:29,589
make connections,
pay my Party membership dues,

349
00:39:29,664 --> 00:39:31,908
sign things, stamp things...

350
00:39:31,933 --> 00:39:37,250
Aseyev, begemot, dai v dolg, lik izbit,
i stoimost snizilas mai pud chaseishen.

351
00:39:37,359 --> 00:39:39,889
Mr. Pont Kitsch says

352
00:39:39,990 --> 00:39:43,890
he can buy up all our clocks and
watches at a reasonable price,

353
00:39:44,013 --> 00:39:46,641
and then he will believe in communism.

354
00:39:47,688 --> 00:39:50,268
That's obvious even without a translation.

355
00:39:50,293 --> 00:39:53,863
Comrades, don't be late!

356
00:39:54,376 --> 00:40:04,137
The first time-train leaves at
12 o'clock sharp for Year 2030 Station.

357
00:40:08,185 --> 00:40:15,681
Rise up and soar, o song of mine,
as red troops swing along!

358
00:40:15,773 --> 00:40:23,304
Quicken your pace, dear land of mine.
Old ways are dead and gone!

359
00:40:24,001 --> 00:40:27,837
March onward, time! March onward, time!

360
00:40:27,996 --> 00:40:30,244
O time, march on!

361
00:40:31,674 --> 00:40:39,350
Yet faster still, dear land of mine --
ahead lies the commune!

362
00:40:39,403 --> 00:40:47,039
Five years are planned for.
Bonuses will cut them short by one!

363
00:40:47,492 --> 00:40:51,298
March onward, time! March onward, time!

364
00:40:51,333 --> 00:40:53,732
O time, march on!

365
00:40:55,134 --> 00:41:02,631
Make factories hum, dear land of mine,
all day and all night long.

366
00:41:02,758 --> 00:41:10,528
Strike harder yet, commune of mine.
Old evil ways begone!

367
00:41:10,968 --> 00:41:14,792
March onward, time! March onward, time!

368
00:41:14,898 --> 00:41:18,893
March onward, time! March onward, time!

369
00:41:20,665 --> 00:41:25,030
March onward, time! O time, march on!

370
00:41:25,137 --> 00:41:31,545
March on! March on!

371
00:41:33,470 --> 00:41:41,550
SECONDS UNTIL TIME MACHINE DEPARTS:

372
00:41:41,575 --> 00:41:46,236
Comrade Dvoikin, you can attach
ordinary windshields.

373
00:41:46,479 --> 00:41:50,866
The Five-Year Plan has prepared you all
for the tempo and speed of time travel.

374
00:41:51,522 --> 00:41:53,132
Test the springs.

375
00:41:53,507 --> 00:41:56,704
Make sure we don't bump about on
the potholes of public holidays.

376
00:41:56,757 --> 00:42:01,685
We'll have a smooth passage, provided no
empty vodka bottles get into the works.

377
00:42:05,435 --> 00:42:07,901
Well, no problem. There's plenty to drink.

378
00:42:08,285 --> 00:42:11,795
Comrade, I must ask you confidentially.
Will there be a buffet?

379
00:42:11,820 --> 00:42:14,079
If not, we'll make do.

380
00:42:18,213 --> 00:42:20,146
Where's my spot?

381
00:43:06,782 --> 00:43:11,575
SECONDS UNTIL TIME MACHINE DEPARTS:

382
00:43:14,306 --> 00:43:17,106
Comrade, you've brought a whole
department store with you.

383
00:43:17,176 --> 00:43:18,696
No comments, please!

384
00:43:19,253 --> 00:43:22,265
I could request an extra compartment,

385
00:43:22,493 --> 00:43:26,647
but I will refrain, in keeping
with my modest lifestyle.

386
00:43:28,209 --> 00:43:30,845
Has the "all aboard" call gone out?
You may give it!

387
00:43:30,946 --> 00:43:32,696
And the second one right after.

388
00:43:42,013 --> 00:43:44,563
Where is my monogrammed briefcase?

389
00:43:44,700 --> 00:43:45,871
Don't get worked up.

390
00:43:45,996 --> 00:43:49,123
I was tidying up at home and saw you'd
forgotten this. Looked important.

391
00:43:49,248 --> 00:43:50,248
That's funny.

392
00:43:50,413 --> 00:43:56,032
Goodbye, Polya. When I'm settled,
I'll send you a third of something!

393
00:43:57,579 --> 00:44:02,595
Comrades, we shall speed off, breaking
through the antiquated barrier of time.

394
00:44:02,620 --> 00:44:09,099
The future will take anyone who has even
one trait in common with the commune.

395
00:44:09,213 --> 00:44:14,919
The passion to work. The thirst to
sacrifice. The boundless energy to invent.

396
00:44:15,613 --> 00:44:18,475
Comrade Strangefellow, are you ready?

397
00:44:18,697 --> 00:44:20,157
READY

398
00:48:52,195 --> 00:48:56,511
All of you, and the author!
What have you been trying to say here?

399
00:48:56,636 --> 00:48:59,900
That people like me aren't
of any use to communism?

400
00:49:09,433 --> 00:49:10,914
INSPECTED

401
00:49:26,260 --> 00:49:32,361
Written and directed by
Sergey Yutkevich, Anatoliy Karanovich

402
00:49:32,386 --> 00:49:38,474
Camera: Mihail Kamenetskiy
Art director: Feliks-Lev Zbarskiy

403
00:49:38,499 --> 00:49:44,162
Composer: Rodion Shchedrin
Sound: Boris Filchikov

404
00:49:44,178 --> 00:49:48,693
Montage: Lidiya Kyaksht
Assistant art director: Valentina Vasilenko

405
00:49:48,818 --> 00:49:52,649
Puppeteers: Vladimir Puzanov,
Yuriy Klepatsky, Mariya Portnaya

406
00:49:52,750 --> 00:49:56,650
2D animator: Vyacheslav Kotyonochkin

407
00:49:56,757 --> 00:50:03,200
Text read by
Yekaterina Raykina, Arkadiy Raykin

408
00:50:03,332 --> 00:50:09,017
Camera (2D animation): Nikolay Grinberg
Camera (combined filming): Boris Aretskiy

409
00:50:09,142 --> 00:50:15,253
Assistant director: M. Rapoport
Camera assistant: A. Shik
Foley: Aleksandr Baranov

410
00:50:15,378 --> 00:50:20,046
Literary consultant: Vasiliy Katanyan
Script editor: Boris Voronov

411
00:50:20,154 --> 00:50:22,097
Puppets and sets made under direction
of Roman Gurov

412
00:50:22,198 --> 00:50:24,098
by Boris Karavayev,
V. Kuranov, Oleg Masainov,

413
00:50:24,199 --> 00:50:26,099
V. Kalashnikova, V. Chernihova,
Pavel Gusev, Vladimir Alisov,

414
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,100
Vladimir Abbakumov, Pavel Lesin,
Valeriy Petrov and Semyon Etlis

415
00:50:28,222 --> 00:50:32,260
Phosphorescent Woman
based on the drawings of Picasso

416
00:50:32,377 --> 00:50:36,534
State Symphony Orchestra of Cinematography
Emin Khachaturian (conductor), Arthur Eisen (soloist)

417
00:50:36,559 --> 00:50:38,659
Executive producer: Natan Bitman

418
00:50:42,122 --> 00:50:45,751
THE END

419
00:50:45,876 --> 00:50:47,025
Subtitled by Animation Obsessive, ed.
Niffiwan (2023), using translations of
Cook-Horujy, Guy Daniels, Cassiday, + subs
by Chapaev & Eus (2016) & TignoBaiser (2019)